There’s nothing worse than working in an environment and being miserable. Maybe you don’t get along with your boss, or they are an ineffective leader. Perhaps the culture of the organization is toxic, full of office politics and indecisiveness. There might be challenges with individual peers where you just don’t work well together and are at odds for no apparent reason. Sometimes changes within the company no longer align with where you are in your life. Feeling like an outsider, you might be internally at odds with processes, policies, and decisions. There are times when a change in leadership or direction shifts your perspective, making you feel less aligned and engaged.
Despite these issues, you continue to work, faking it, becoming someone you know who isn’t genuine or fits in with the overall culture. In extreme cases, you might even come to resent or hate your role or the company. Pretending to be someone else in a role you hate is exhausting. You adjust your style and approach, trying to fit in but go home drained. To steal a line from Office Space, “You do just enough not to get fired.” You know you want another job, career, or opportunity but are not ready to look elsewhere. In your head, though, you’ve quit and stayed, and that’s one of the worst feelings ever.
Unfortunately, in many organizations, this happening everywhere with employees who mentally check out from the role, going through the motions, doing the bare minimum, watching the clock, waiting to escape at 5 pm. What makes this worse is that many leaders are also in this same situation. It’s not just an employee, individual contributor problem either.
The Truth
Let’s be honest here. The truth is you know when you are not your authentic self, and when you don’t fit in. At least I have.
On my first day on the job with a new company a long time ago, I knew I didn’t fit in, belong, or genuinely want to work for the company. I was less than an hour into my initial training orientation, alongside 16 other new recruits, when I felt like this wasn’t a long-term fit. It’s crazy to think I lasted years feeling this way. Throughout the training week, I felt like everything seemed fake. I questioned whether I joined a cult because everyone looked like they were drinking the Kool-Aid. The culture seemed forced. Warning signs were everywhere. On day 2, only 15 out of 16 people returned – we were down 1 person who already quit. End of the fifth day, we lost 2 more. Interesting. I needed a job, so I stuck it out, convinced I could find something else better.
Getting Stuck Pretending to Be Someone Else
Miserable, I plodded along, doing what I could. Eventually, I was promoted numerous times over my tenure and making at times, exceptional money. But I learned very quickly that money isn’t everything, because no matter how big the bonus and commission cheques, you can still hate your job. What sucks is that you bring that negativity home when your miserable 8, 10, 12+ hours a day at work. The competitive and toxic culture ate away at me, making me incredibly difficult to be around and cold to interact with in all aspects of my life. Friendships and relationships fizzled out as I was so miserable. Pretending to care and faking being part of an organizational culture I didn’t feel I belong to, drained me. I felt stuck. Unfortunately, I was angry all the time.
I Tried to Escape
I had interviewed over the years but never pulled the trigger despite being offered opportunities to leave. Money was the most significant factor; other times, I didn’t quit because of the fear of the unknown. I was scared to admit that I needed out, but I knew I wanted out. Pretending to be one of the team, caring about aspects of the role or culture that I wasn’t aligned with for so long was eating away at me. Eventually, leaving there changed my perspective and made me realize that you need to work somewhere, you can feel like yourself and go home happy.
Being Inauthentic Is Exhausting
At another point in my career, I began to feel more inauthentic and was becoming exhausted and burnt out. I was incredibly dedicated and carved out a decent spot for myself, quite successful, yet, something didn’t feel right.
The role I was in initially provided fulfillment, but over time, it became too easy, and sadly, too routine. I never felt overworked or stretched, yet the term burn out applied. You can feel exhausted by being unchallenged and bored. That in combination with other factors, I began to feel more like an outsider in the organization. I grew to heavily dislike aspects of my role, but pretended to care a lot. Every day, I feared that I would be found out to be an imposter – someone who didn’t belong.
Honestly, I knew I was great at my job and led my team exceptionally well, but I just didn’t align with where things appeared to be going. Deep down, I began to feel like my time with the company had hit an imaginary expiration date, where it was no longer as good as it once was. After many of the people I was closely aligned with, starting leaving for other opportunities, I was confident that there were fewer days ahead than behind me.
I knew continuing to be part of the company wasn’t part of the long-term path for me. I was good at my job, so I figured I could power through. I tried as hard as I could to fake it, and but the more inauthentic I felt, the harder it was to do. Every year though, I kept telling myself the same thing – “one more year, and that’s it.” Those one more years added up.
Worse yet, I started to struggle mentally, feeling like I was in a constant fog. My performance didn’t slip, but mentally, I was checked out. I dreaded Mondays so much, and looked forward to the end of my day, and literally didn’t want to spend 1 second past 5pm thinking or working anymore. When you are feeling miserable or inauthentic for 8 hour of the day you can feel trapped. I felt like I was a prisoner, incapable of being myself. It became obvious to me that I didn’t see a future for myself in my current role or with the company.
I loved working with my direct team, leading them, and trying to produce outstanding results, but admittedly, I was becoming more tired and exhausted. I felt less and less like myself. Not being my authentic self combined with not feeling aligned as much as I wanted led me to realize that I needed to make a drastic shift with my mindset. I wanted the freedom, flexibility, and fulfillment of being my authentic self. So I asked myself one question.
“If today was my last day on Earth, what would I regret not doing in my career?”
Chris Hanna
That Question Changed Everything
Asking myself that question completely opened my eyes and changed my perspective. It wasn’t until I asked myself that one question while I was sitting at the airport coming home from vacation till I truly learned change was needed.
Answering the Question
When I asked myself that big question, it became clear that what I wanted more than anything was to stop pretending. I also wanted more autonomy, combined with the chance to be more creative. For years, I had been running on autopilot, not learning or growing as much as I desired. I was making myself more miserable.
Seeking Advice
I sought out counseling to discuss my feelings of being inauthentic and miserable. Over the months of sessions, I came to realize so much more about myself. I knew more about who I was and more importantly, what I wanted. I even came to better appreciate the experiences I gained, as that helped point me in the right direction.
When I finally mapped out my goals and how I planned to stop pretending, I was flooded with a wave of positive emotion and clarity. For the first time in a long time, I felt more energized and excited to tackle the day. I valued time more, when I used it better, while on the pursuit of learning, growing, and evolving. When I wasn’t working, I taught myself new skills, tackled exciting challenges, connected with more like-minded people. Finally, I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I found what provided me with fulfillment, and developed a desire to go all-in pursuing that. The desire to move on became so strong and when it eventually happened, it was such a huge sense of relief. For the first time in a long time, I no longer felt tired, exhausted, or burnt out. I was free to be myself, unshackled, and ready to 100% pursue my interests without fear.
Carve Your Own Path
There are also going to be times when things change professionally causing you to feel like an outsider. You might suck it up and power through, but it takes a toll on you.
The best advice I can give you is that you need to find your way and create your own path. If you’re miserable, don’t drag it out and stick around too long. Please do something about it. That might include seeking help.
The negative impact on your life, your mental health, your relationships, and the well-being of others outweighs your job making you miserable. Faking it is exhausting. Pretending to care or acting as though you are someone who is not genuine sucks bigtime. As yourself, that one question – “If today was my last day on Earth, what would I regret not doing in my career?” If the answer to that question isn’t what you are doing now or soon, do something about it as soon as you can.
Final Thoughts
Be yourself. Not everyone can follow their passion or turn it into something that makes money. If you can, that’s great. If you can’t change your mindset. Look at your job as helping you pay for the activities that do provide fulfillment.
Ideally, follow your talents and strengths, though, so you can work for an organization or in a role that allows you to be the best version of yourself. Be someone that you can look in the mirror and live with. Many people choose to be miserable, complaining about everything, but doing nothing to change their circumstances. You have the power to decide your future and your level of happiness.
For a regular dose of advice, tips, and tricks, follow me or my podcast, The Chris Hanna Show on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn, or visit Evolving Management for more solutions. Let’s connect.
